Struggles

Kaay so i havent been on blogger in like forever just decided maybe i should come here to let out my feelings! UGHHH so much drama be goin on. Dont know what to do with this huge crush i have on my bestfriend:S i have liked him for a really long time and decided maybe it would be good to tell him but things turned completely the wrong waayy!:( i feel so depressed and it hurts to know hes changing with me. We talk and stuff but it just isnt the same. i want him to know that im still his bestfriend and i will always treat him like my bestfriend because i respect his feelings and i know he doesnt feel the same way but why does he tell me that he doesnt want things to change and den he fucking goes and lies and treats me like im nothing anymore. I dont know what to do anymore and it really hurts me because i love him alot as a friend and i didnt want this to ruin to our friendship. I try tlkin to him but nothing works. On the other hand school sucks hate it soo mucch wiissh i could just graduate and leave and do whatever i want. Life is pretty wack cant wait till summer maybe things will get better. Things at home are alright like my mom knows im depressed but she doenst know why and shes kinda mad that i wont tell her. Im so confused about so many things and i wish i just could get all the answers im tired of crying and tired of feeling like im not worth anything. I try and try to make things good but they just get worse and worse every night i go to sleep with this feeling of emptyness and i wish it would go away. I wanna feel happy for once and feel normal. I dont get what i do wrong but things just dont work out for me. I think i deserve some type of happiness and i want to find it. I want to be happy and i know i can only find it but its hard when others just give me advice like " oh just forget about it. MOVE ON!:@." Dont people get that i cant move on, nd tryin to forget this guy is like trying to forget someone yu've never even met its impossible. People dont get my feelings, and as much as i try to put on a face of happiness the sadness overcomes me. I might sound overdramatic and crazy but i dont care. I know what im feeling and they say time will heal the scars, but i feel like time is frozen.